Virtual Hyperbole

What is your favorite holiday song? Mine: O Holy Night. I am not at all religious, and it still makes me cry. Just read this as if for the first time: A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices; for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. I just cried a little typing it. What do we need more than anything if not a new and glorious morn to break? Least favorite? Mine: I don't even want to tell you, because it'll get stuck in my head. Maybe I can sneak up on it; let's see. ... Little Drummer Boy. Quick! Sing something else to banish it before it takes root!

Where've you been? KIDDING! I'm know it's me who's been gone so long. C'mon baby - don't be like that. The Women at ACT Theatre closes this weekend. From Sept. 11 to Dec. 16. I think it's like 80-85 performances total. 8x/week in addition to holding down my day job (p/t job, but still). I can count on one hand the number of pure days off I've had in that entire 3 month period, and most of those have been in the last 2 weeks. Not complaining, mind you, BUT! It'll be nice to have my regular life back starting next week. Quick health & fitness update: =>My weight has stabilized at 144/145 lbs. I'd like to drop another 5 or so. =>My workout routine is solidly out the window and has been for 3 weeks now. Zilch. I've been a very bad girl. I have many theories & reasons, many of which I hope to amuse you with as soon as I can get some goddam sleep. =>In January, I will begin training for an August triathalon. That should kick ...

Where've you been? KIDDING! I'm know it's me who's been gone so long. C'mon baby - don't be like that. The Women at ACT Theatre closes this weekend. From Sept. 11 to Dec. 16. I think it's like 80-85 performances total. 8x/week in addition to holding down my day job (p/t job, but still). I can count on one hand the number of pure days off I've had in that entire 3 month period, and most of those have been in the last 2 weeks. Not complaining, mind you, BUT! It'll be nice to have my regular life back starting next week. I have so much to spill about the experience, but you have to be patient just a little while longer. (As if you're on the edge of your seat, right?) I'm at my day job right now, and I mainly stopped by to let you know about a new DIY venture of mine ... check out my new-found craftiness at www.hardwearables.com . I love you. I really do. Seriously! Come back here!!!

I am the most tired I remember ever being while simultaneously being in an incredibly good mood. An incredibly good mood does not necessarily equal patience with others when I'm this tired. It wasn't until we were up & running fully after opening night that I realized ... I'm not in this play very much at all. I'm not complaining, mind you. It's just interesting that the rehearsals were deceiving. Time spent in the rehearsal room did not equate to onstage time. It did, however, correlate to time spent changing my costumes & wigs When I'm tired, I pretty much eat anything I crave. I've finally passed some magic threshhold -- I feel way worse when I don't work out than when I do. Riding the bus is actually easier than driving & parking. I miss you all terribly. I am sad to miss you, but I'm having a ball.

Ego is a funny thing, isn't it? It comes on unbidden, to the best and worst of us. It has many flavors. Sometimes it's called self-esteem , and it reminds us that we actually are pretty great. Go a little further down that road and you run into self-importance , which makes others want to punch you. Keep going until dawn and you enter megalomania ... a hateful land where nobody will come visit. Backtrack and head the other direction and pretty soon you'll find pride , which is a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there. And make sure you don't take a wrong turn into self-righeousness ! Winding through the entire land is the river of insecurity . I loved mixed metaphors. Oh shit, I forgot I had a point. Don't go yet! I have a very small part in this play. So small that even though I play 3 parts, it's still small. I'm just about 37 years old (years young , rather - YEAH!). I've been around this town for almost 15 years, an...

The facts, in cold hard numbers. Numbers do not lie, my friends. 11 = days I've belonged to a mainstream membership gym. 8 = days I've worked out at the gym since joining. 3 = days I didn't feel like working out, but did anyway. 1 = days I didn't feel like working out, and went home instead. Not freakin' bad, if I do say so myself. Oh, and I do -- as often as possible. I miss Cody terribly, of course. It's a lot easier when there's someone there pushing you and expecting things from you. But I'm proud thus far that I've stuck with it all on my own.

The facts, in cold hard numbers. Numbers do not lie, my friends. 11 = days I've belonged to a mainstream membership gym. 8 = days I've worked out at the gym since joining. 3 = days I didn't feel like working out, but did anyway. 1 = days I really didn't feel like working out, and went home instead. Not freakin' bad, if I do say so myself. Oh, and I do -- as often as possible. I miss working out with Cody terribly, of course. It's a lot easier when there's someone there pushing me and expecting things from me. He's there in spirit, though. Some days what gets me into the gym is the fact that I don't want to have to tell him that I slacked off. Also, what would all that money and hard work have been for if I'm just going to dump it? I make deals with myself: "I don't want to go work out." "I know, but you'll feel better." "Not today, I won't. I really think I should take the day off." "Alrig...

FACT: There are more female actors than male. FACT: There aren't as many parts written for women as men. FACT: The pecentage of "quality" roles narrows down the field even farther in comparison. Every actress in every city in every format in every genre knows this line up & down. Most of the time, we (actresses) know each other through auditions - and, of course, almost always reading for the same roles. Can you imagine the company meeting the first day? There was about 100 people in the room, introducing themselves and what they do. "Peggy Gannon, actress." 16 of us out of 100, "So-and-so, actress." Not an "actor" to be found. I cannot tell you how thrilling it was ... you don't know you've been missing it until you get it. And in spades, baby! Sixteen beautiful, talented women, most of whom I've watched and admired for countless years. I've been very lucky in this regard - I've been in several all-female shows in th...

Cody and I are taking a break. I know, right? Don't cry. Actually, I just started rehearsals for a professional theatre show in addition to holding down my day job (with the blessings and help of an incredibly accommodating job-share partner). The fact is, no matter how much I adore working out with Cody, I simply do not have one day free until mid-October. In a lot of ways, the timing of this has worked out brilliantly. I was starting to feel like I needed to stumble out of the nest to see if I'd fly on my own. Not whether I can fly, mind you, I know I can. But would I? Or would I rather just choose to land on my couch with a bucket of cheese ? Well, now I guess I get to find out. Sink or swim, baby! Sink or swim. * *I can preliminarily report that I'm actually more like treading water right now than sinking or swimming. Not bad, but I gotta step up my groove. I got big plans. More soon.

I started rehearsals Tuesday for my first professional show in ages. Saying this, naturally, makes me want to tangentially debate myself regarding the use of the word "professional" when applied to the theater, but I will leave that for the bar -- presumably after a few drinks. For simplicity's sake, I mean a decent wage-earning acting contract at a large Equity theater. Obviously, I've given up giving up acting . Well, who can blame me ... how else am I going to get rich and famous? Anyway, it's The Women , at ACT Theatre . It's a huge play, and it's going to be all kinds of Gorgeous. It's also going to be a technical mule. But other people who are really good at what they do get paid to worry about that, so I just get to enjoy the acting process. Or not enjoy it, as may be on some days. I adore first rehearsals -- the same way I adored the first day of school. There's often food, and a company meet'n'greet , and paperwork to wrap up, and ...

1. Now that we're not kids anymore, is there an adult alternative to the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend"? Partner = too clinical. Significant other = blech. Lover = ew. Sweetheart = it's what I currently use, but it's cutesy. 2. What's with drooling in my sleep on a regular basis? It's new, and I don't approve. 3. Am I the only women left who bikini waxes but doesn't want the "landing strip" look? Just clean up the natural "V" please.

A friend just reminded me of one my favorite TV show quotes; it's from The Drew Carey Show * : "Oh, so you don't like your job? Why didn't you TELL me?! There's a support group for that! It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar." *I want to carry that show around on a keychain, I think it's so adorable.

On an almost cellular level, I sincerely abhor the new catch-all catch-phrase when someone thinks they're making a clever point: "I'm just saying." Or - even worse - without the pronoun: "Just saying." Oh, really ? Is *that* what you're just doing? Saying? Well, I'm just punching you in the nose, you self-satisfied fuckwad. I despise it. It has this air of undeserved smug finality, as if god itself has made this person the mouthpiece of the final say in the matter. Always with the implied silence of an ellipsis, as if daring you to disagree with their obviously airtight summation. Oh, I see! If it's you that's saying, well - that's it, then! Case closed, everybody! He just said! Please don't just say, "Just saying." It's rude. Say what you want to say, and then, if it's a spirited discussion, maybe back it up with a few well-reasoned points. Then let others say. It totally works.

Hang with me through this post - I promise I'm making a point here about my fitness (albeit perhaps obliquely). As I progressed through my acting training in college, I was taught - and encouraged to employ - a wide variety of styles and methods. We started with basics in Fundamentals of Acting (the title of our majors' intro course): text & character. This was followed very closely by - practically simultaneously with - objectives (goals) & intention (how you achieve them). As I and my peers progressed, the scope was widened, and we learned other techniques to supplement and enhance the basics (breath patterns, emotional recall, alexander technique, lessac vs. linklater , bippity boppity boo). We would learn and practice these techniques in isolation, which is necessarily the way of teaching (although not the way of acting or of life, really), but the idea was that they were all building blocks for a well-rounded actor. (I now prefer to think of it as a road-map, b...

Remember - back in the 80s - when I gave up acting ? Well, the truth is that I apparently can't keep my hands off acting. We fought for awhile, but now I guess we're back on. On again, off again. Just like a high school love affair. But that's not exactly apt, because acting is legion. It's not just one boyfriend that I keep falling out with, but a whole bunch of different boys who are kinda sorta different, but end up eventually bugging the shit out of me for the same reasons. Therefore, just like life, I need to make better choices. I will only date acting when it's really worth it, and not just when I'm lonely and need a cuddle. I have boys for that.

I love maps. Absolutely crazy for them. Consequently, this is my new obsession ... strange maps I am ga-ga.

I was doing my laundry the other day and I reached automatically into my pockets for quarters. ... I just realized that means nothing to you unless you know this: we just moved into a house with a washer/dryer. And oh so many other perks. My new home is the fucking garden of earthly delights. I am not kidding. Two stories, a front and a back yard, a bedroom, an office, a workout room, a true guest bedroom, 2 bathrooms, a driveway, a garage, a basketball net, closet space you wouldn't believe ... I am in bliss. I am simply searching for the perfect living room curtains.

Hello, I've been avoiding you. Oh, it's not you - it's me for sure. The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of classic "real life" activity. I won't got into it again - I cursorily explained it in my last post. However, in the last post, my bad habits hadn't been creeping back in yet. Although it seems that I did anticipate them quite eerily. Yes, it's true. I am humbled to report that my forward momentum ceased. I was phoning it in. I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts because I was busy and (I justified) at least was working out 3x/week with Cody. But then I was dissatisfied with my workouts because I wasn't ever getting anywhere because I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts. And even at my most avoidful, I can easily spot that circular logic. Eventually. I was driving to my workout a week ago, kinda not wanting to go and fantasizing about excuses I could use to cancel. And then I thought - what the ...

It's been a cRaZy month. First the detox, then there were (are) some upheavals on the workfront, then we decided to get a second cat, and now we're suddenly moving at the end of this month! It's been mostly good stuff, but big changes for me. Stress levels are rising, and although it's not bad stress, it's stress none-the-less. Stress without anxiety, if you see what I mean. Anyway, my past patterns would indicate that this is exactly ripe for me to slack on my fitness & health routines, and to start eating a lot of comfort food. I'll be monitoring myself closely because I know it's a tendency of mine; however, so far - I'm doing really well (if I do say so myself). I've made sure to do some kind of exercise every day, and while I'm not skimping on my food desires I'm also not eating crap. I'm staying fairly balanced. This bodes well for me, I think. If you'll allow me to pat myself on the back for a self-indulgent minute: I jogg...

We got a new cat last week. His name is Sebastian, and he's about 1-yr. old. He's a total lover. Our original cat, Turtle, is also a lover. But she's been an only cat for a few years, and we're not sure how the whole thing's gonna go down. It makes me sad and anxious to see our baby all stressed out & hiding under the couch and hissing and growling. She's never been like that; up to this point, she's always been very calm & present & playful. New people don't bother her; even kids running around chasing her doesn't stress her out. She loves it. But she's not loving this. Yet. (If ever.) I know it's bound to be a difficult transition under all but the very best of circumstances, but Monkey & I are losing our shit a little. SUNDAY 6/3 We brought Sebastian home. We set the carrier down in the living room so that Turtle could sniff around and recognize a new presence. She hissed a bit -- she obviously wasn't thrilled, but she ...

For those of you keeping score at home ... I started out the detox at 148.6 lbs. I hit my lowest weight on Day 11, at 138.2 lbs. The morning of Day 14, right before I ate my first proper breakfast in 2 weeks, I weighed in at 139.8 lbs. I have gained weight slowly but steadily since then, and I seem to be evening out around the 142/143 lbs mark.

Now I know what it was. It was like the last week of school after exams have already happened, and the professor is still giving you homework. That's what yesterday was. I have eaten, and the sun is shining. However, in a cruel twist of fate, as I was driving home from rehearsal last night ... I swallowed, and I knew - without question - that, all of a sudden, I was sick. And yep. I woke up with a full-blown cold this morning. Ain't it a bitch?

Today is the last day of my detox diet. That makes tomorrow the first day of the rest of my life. Honestly, I wouldn't have stuck this out all 13 days if I hadn't publically said that I would. I wish it had been a 9-day detox. It's not that it's been difficult to go without regular food - not since day 3, really. However, I have not received any noticable benefit in the past several days, apart from some more weight loss. My overriding feelings at this point are of utter boredom and moderate annoyance. I am receiving nourishment, but no joy. Yesterday's switch to raw veggies & fruits provided some minor excitement, but I long to be truly sated. I'm glad I did it. I'd even do it again, possibly. No way in hell for 13 days, but maybe for 3-5 every once in awhile to clear my system out. Conceptually, I'm thrilled that my body's clean and that I'm starting from a clear slate, and I'm eager to monitor how I react to my standard fare. Pragmatic...

My friend JJ has a post over at his place that is well worth checking out. I'll do it no justice by trying to capsulize it here, but it's about sexism and hatred and fear. It's wonderful, and I'm still chewing on it and untangling my thoughts about it.

11 days down, 2 days to go. Tomorrow, I will actually get to chew food for the first time in 12 days. It's like Christmas - I want to go to bed early so that morning gets here sooner. Imagine what I'm going to feel like on Thursday night! My brain may shut down. I think the first thing I'll do upon waking on Friday is toast some bread. Sprouted whole wheat bread. With just a little organic honey. Mmmm ... I have been yearning for toast for days now. Oh my god. My brain IS going to shut down. For sure. Holy crap, I can't wait. (You can't hear me, but I just giggled maniacally.)

Monkey decided on Saturday to stop his detox as of today. He went 9 days, and lost 10 pounds and change. YAY MONKEY! Here's his explanation & his reaction to the detox: Thanks homies for putting up with my detox "blog" - This, alas, will be my last entry... it's the 9th day and I've went from 181.6 to 171.6 pounds and will probably lose one more lb. by tommorrow morning, but I'm pulling the plug after today. We haven't even opened or broken into my box of product, so Peggy and I will return it and split the money. We're both fuckin' sick to death of those goddamn powder feedings. She plans on continuing, but I'm happily putting up my gloves. I don't feel any failure; it's clear I have the willpower to finish, just not the reason or drive. EVERYONE seemed to suggest that after day 4 or 5, you'd feel better and have increased energy. This was just not the case for me; I feel fine, but the mind-numbingly DULL grind of clean living ...

My life was normal, okay. Happy even. I had been tagged for nary a meme. I didn't know what I was missing!! Now I've got 2 on my plate! TWO! I am beside myself with anxiety and glee. Memes are like the in-crowd. You're delighted they even noticed you, but now you have to make sure you wear make-up everyday and that your shoes are perfect and that you never have a booger EVER. Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls knows what I'm talking about. The first meme comes from Tina over at The Gallivanting Monkey : I ask you to tell us 3 fantasies about yourself if you were a total, unbelievable success. Like the hero of all future reunions. This meme made me realize that my dreams are humble but fierce. Here we go ... I have the courage & resources to act in alignment with my beliefs. ALL THE TIME. I have built, decorated and furnished a home as green as humanly possible, with only exactly as much space as we need. I clean it all myself (again, green) because I like to clean and it...

I feel good. I'm over the hump, and now it's just a test of wills. I know I can make it through. But will I? There's no chance of me cheating; I don't even feel the need. However, there is a real chance of me simply choosing to stop early. It's not about hunger, and it's not about being a slave to food. It's about the pure sensual, physical, social, romantic joy of eating. Texture, taste, temperature. The contrast & compliment of varied flavors. I really, truly miss it. It's not so much the food, it's the eating. The biggest reason keeping me from quitting early? Vanity, pride, the fact I won't be able to claim that I really did it. I think I'll do it. At this point - why not, right?

As I highlighted in this post , I tend to think of quantifiable amounts in fractions. Yesterday I hit the 1/3 mark, and by the end of tomorrow I will be over 1/2 of the way through this g-d trial of will. Once I hit a fraction that seems substantial and not simply depressing (like day 1 being 1/13 - that’s just sad), I feel ridiculously more comfortable. It seems manageable. I feel ... well, I feel okay. Pretty good. I’m not hungry. I’m hardly getting cravings anymore. Except for the fact that I am not eating actual meals, I feel fairly normal. I’m able to get through work with no problem. I’m able to go to my regular workouts with Cody (although without my usual verve, and he’s altered them a bit to support the detox). But I am still waiting for the surge of energy, the amazing clarity, the euphoria that everyone talks about. It’s like a freakin’ holy grail. I mean, I didn’t really do this to feel normal, ya know? I could have gotten "normal" by not doing a damn ...

This is hard. Really hard. Day 2 sucked ass. I woke up with that same headache, except a little worse. It diminished a little as I had the first "feeding" (as Monkey calls it, which totally makes me giggle). We distracted ourselves with a movie, and then went to see an apartment for rent down the block. The whole time I kinda feel like shit, but I try (and mostly fail) to have a good attitude and pretend that I can tell I'm rounding a corner. It makes it all the worse that I chose to do this. I actually start to get angry at myself for committing to something so ridiculous. It feels ludicrous, but I am trapped because I told so many people, I'm blogging about it, and I don't want to be a quitter. Which is, of course, why I told so many people & am blogging about it -- so that I wouldn't let myself off that easy. So far it's working. After Monkey left for work yesterday, I was in a bad place. And not just mentally, which is what it had been up to then. ...

I started a 2-week detox diet today, kind of a hard-core one. Monkey's doing it with me (thank god). I am chronicling it over here at my other blog, if you care to read about how it's going and, more specifically, what I'm going through. I've not done anything like this before, ever. I was nervous-excited before I started, but I'm done with that. Now I've got my head down ... it's a buzz-saw at crunch time, people. In other news, I'm going to finally finish my road trip journal entries from last summer. I can't exactly remember why I stopped, but I only cleaned up & posted my notes through July 14th, so I've got about 1/2-month's worth to go. I also need to post about Hawai'i. DAMN! Where have I been? Get on it, PEGGY! Well, enjoy these pics in the meantime. I'm hungry.

Before our detox (naked in the morning after "relieving ourselves" but before eating or drinking anything): Monkey = 181 lbs. Me = 148 lbs. ... we'll see what happens as we go. Today, I have had frequent ... well, not really cravings. They aren't focused enough to be cravings. More like urges - half-formed thoughts of what I might decide to eat before I come to my senses and remember that I won't be eating at all. The only challenging part about today (so far) is trying to stay in the moment. I start to get a little crazy when I think about not eating for 2 whole weeks. I mean, who am I kidding?! I freakin' love to eat. Why in the world would I choose to do this detox? I have gone mad! I start to hyperventilate a little, and then I calm down and realize I only need to concentrate on the next 2 hours. I expect that to get worse over the next 2 days, and then taper off. It will be my greatest obstacle, I think. I haven't felt actual hunger at all. These drin...

Hey y'all, I started a detox! I am on day 1 and I don't have much to say about it yet, except to explain the basic concept, so you can get an idea. It's a regulated all-liquid diet. There are 7 different powders and they're mixed with 8-12 oz. of water or non-dairy milk. One every 2-3 hours, 7 times a day, for 14 days. The powders are all made from whole foods (vegetables, fruits, berries, nuts, seeds, grains, blah blah blah), and each of the 7 is designed to focus on a different body systems (lymphatic & circulatory, endocrine & reprodutive, nervous, digestive, muscular skeletal, respiratory, and finally - whole body). The main focus for me is an overall body detox to give me a quick & good baseline for future eating habits. I do expect to lose weight, and that certainly won't make me sad, but that's not my intent, that's just the icing on the cake. (Which, of course, is forbidden on this diet.) My sweetheart (Monkey) is doing it with me, and th...

So there it is. Me in my bikini. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I guess, depending on your point of view), you will not get to see the whole thing. Not on purpose, I just didn't get any pictures of it. And that's because, surprisngly, I hardly wore it. We spent most of our time NOT laying around beaches but rather hiking or swimming in surf a bit too rough for convenient bikini wear. The one beach, Kehena, where I would have worn it all the time was a 1/2-mile from our cottage - it became "our" beach. But it turns out that clothing was not needed at this gorgeous black sand beach populated with free-spirited locals. And when in Rome ...

Thank you, SLOG , for cross-posting this list of commonly misused words . Grammar pedants (you know who you are) will sigh in agonized relief and pound righteously on their desks in agreement. For my part, I will ask the age-old question: Should the dictionary & grammar rules define usage or vice versa? Here's a fun game: Go down the list & count up the number of mistakes you've been making for god-knows-how-long * . No cheating (even to yourself)! *At least according to this list. Which I'm guessing is arguably not definitive.

Puking (due to drinking too much). Preferably: before you go to bed? the next morning upon waking up or soon thereafter?

Wish me & my bikini luck!

See you next week!

Dear bikini, You'd better be worth it. Love, Peggy

STATS 17-Oct-06 22-Nov-06 23-Dec-06 22-Jan-07 26-Feb-07 26-Mar-07 21-Apr-07 Weight (lbs.) 166 166 162 157 155 154 151 Fat/Lean Mass (lbs.) 57/109 55.5/110.5 50/112 44/113 42/113 41/113 38/113 Body Fat % 34.5 33.5 31 28 27 26.5 25.5 MEASUREMENTS 17-Oct-06 22-Nov-06 23-Dec-06 22-Jan-07 26-Feb-07 26-Mar-07 21-Apr-07 Chest xx xx xx xx 36” 36” 36" Waist xx xx xx xx 31” 30” 29" Hips xx xx xx xx 37.5” 37” 35.5" Upper Arm xx xx xx xx 10.5” 10.5” 10.5" Thigh xx xx xx xx 21” 21” 21" Calf xx xx xx xx 14.5” 14.5” 14.5" TESTS 17-Oct-06 22-Nov-06 23-Dec-06 22-Jan-07 26-Feb-07 26-Mar-07 21-Apr-07 Sit & Reach 9” 1’2” 1'3” 1'5" 1'5” 1'7” 1'7" Sit-ups 20 28 32 32 35 35 37 Push-ups 15 26 33 18 24 24 30 Pull-ups 15 29 23 26 9 10 10 T-test 14.97 sec. 14.22 sec. 13.62 sec. 13.60 sec. 20.52 sec. 19.65 sec. 19.46 sec. Plank 59 sec. 1 min. 22 sec. 1 min. 45 sec. 2 min. 8 sec. 1 min. 20 sec. 1 min. 20 sec. 2 min. 2 sec. A few things to note, if you...

I can't believe I was all like "me! me! i! me!" in my last post, when what you really want to know & see I sorely neglected. Here is a picture of the Hokie Bird: And here is picture of what the Bird looked like when I slept with him: ... except younger.

VT has obviously been on my mind this week. Flashes of memory are surfacing like bubbles. I thought maybe I'd try to give me & you something else to remember about Tech for awhile. Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University = VA Tech = Tech = VT. The VT logo was designed by a math student who based it on the notation for the square root of 1. These are my very best college friends. From left to right, we have Stephanie McGinnis, Lynn Marie Bagley (sitting), yours truly standing behind Lynn, Sioux Madden, and Lee Worley. We were at Spring Fling of my sophomore year - that's the huge year-end theater department bacchanalia. 1990 - check out all the awesome hair! Lynn, Sioux & Lee changed my life, individually & severally. I loved them so much. I still do. Lee taught me self-defense, and also how to be actual friends with a guy. He was older than me and he laughed easily and talked even easier. He was a huge influence on me; and helped me through a lot of an...

I have been SO GOOD over the month. I have been eating incredibly well, mostly staying between 1500-1700 kCals/day. (Only two days I broke it, and they were planned.) I have not been drinking alcohol. I work out with Cody 3x/week, and I do cardio 3x/week on my own. I have upped the intensity on my cardio. And still ... I cannot break 148 lbs. And that's naked in the morning before breakfast. (Sorry for the graphic image. Oh, wait. No I'm not.) On my assessment on Saturday, I'll be clothed after breakfast, so I won't even make my 'below-150' goal. My point is -- why do I bother being good? *sigh* I'm exaggerating for effect, of course. I know why. But some days it's really frustrating. This, of course, is where Mom or Dad would helpfully pipe in with, "Well, kiddo, no one ever said life was fair."

I found this , which goes a ways to providing the reflection I've been aching for. From the BBC website.

My home has largely been a news-free zone for the last few days. I think I want to watch, to stay informed about what they’ve discovered, but I can barely watch about 30 seconds before I literally cover my ears and say to Shoogie, "I can’t." I’m not a very delicate soul, either; I’m pretty hardy. I gotta tell ya, too - it’s not the thought of the killings that keeps me from the news. What I can’t stomach right now is all the news noise that keeps us from actual thoughts of the killings. All the postulation, the shots-in-the-dark (pardon the expression - ha ha - cry cry) , the woulda-coulda-shoulda, the knee-jerk reactions (in some cases, with an emphasis on the jerk). It minimizes the impact; it diminishes the import. Talk talk talk ... all manipulated so that - what? So we don’t actually have one single moment to think clearly and truly about what happened? I don't know why, but I can't watch it. It's offensive. A deeply troubled human being shot 47 other human b...

I jogged 2 miles around the track today. "Uh, Satan? Yeah, Peg here. Dude, I'm really sorry about this --- but you might want to go shopping for some winter clothes."

Yesterday, I jogged around a track 4 times. This means I jogged a mile. One whole mile . I want to be clear on this next point: It's not the mile that's the big deal. It's the fact that I ran it. ON PURPOSE. I chose to do it. In fact, it's even worse than I realized at first ... I actually wanted to. In fact, I may even do it again tomorrow. Oh lord. I have to drastically re-draft the secret image I hold of myself. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, now it turns out I'm a jogger. I jog. Oof. I think I need to lay down.

A lone gunman opened fire this morning in 2 separate shootings at Virginia Tech. It's all over the news channels, or you can google it and find it easy. I can't link to it, because I can't watch it anymore. VA Tech is my alma mater. It's where I became a fledgling adult. It's where I met & fell in love with my former husband. It's where I learned to drink a whole bottle of Andre pink blush champagne in an evening at a party. It's where I learned to be a real actor. It's where I fell in love with Shakespeare. It's where I learned how to express what was inside of me. It's where I learned how not to by shy. It's where I learned that the world was bigger than I was. This on top of all the senseless lives lost in ones & twos & soldiers & civilians all over the world. I am unspeakably sad.

My sweetheart and I are going to Hawai'i at the end of the month. I gave Cody carte blanche to kick my ass and make said ass just a little bit tighter before I head out with my adorable swim suit. He accepted the challenge with glee. Secretly sadistic glee. This is now what I think during workouts: "bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini i hate cody bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini ..." Aww, Cody. Don't cry, I was just teasing. Here, eat this cheese ... it'll make you feel better. Geez-o-flip. Now I want cheese. bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini

Okay, so I owe you two (TWO?! yes, two!) monthly assessments. But not right now. I'll do 'em later tonight ... unless I'm too busy smoking, drinking whiskey & eating cheese to bother. (I kid because I love.) The thing about the assessments, though, is that they're kind of like getting a grade on an exam. The grade has varying degrees of import based on who you are (teacher, student, strict parent, etc.), but it's not necessarily wholly indicative of long-term and secret internal success. I study hard, I do my best; but at the end of the day, I feel as much about my assessments as I did about my grades ... pleasantly satisfied if I did as well as I hoped, slightly disappointed if I didn't. Either way, by the end of the day, it's forgotten. (This is why I was always a B-student who was smarter than most of the A-students. * And had more fun.) Anywho, blah-di-blah blah blah ... off the top of my head, here's my baker's dozen of non-assessment succ...

Hello? Anyone there? My goodness. Everyone's gone. That's what I get, I guess. I should've left a forwarding address. My goodness, this place is filthy; it needs a good spring cleaning & airing. I'll just start here with these cobwebs, and then go through that huge pile of unopened mail & newspapers ... There! Smells like possibility. Wha -? What the? Who's there?! BLOG! You startled me! What are you doing hiding under the couch? C'mon out, I'm so glad to see you! Oh, blog --- I have so much to tell you. Would you like some tea? Hey, what's up? Are you mad at me? C'mon, baby ... don't be like that. I promise, it wasn't just you. I've neglected everything these past couple of months. Yes. Yes, I did. Yes. I promise. Oh, don't cry, my darling. I'm back. To stay. Maybe. Awwww! C'mon! That was a joke! Come back here!

I was writing the date today and realized that in about 5 months I will get a thousand emails helpfully reminding me that on Sept. 8th, 2007 @ a little before 7 (am or pm, you pick) that the date & time will be FOR ONE SINGLE SECOND ... dum dum DUM ... 9/8/7 6:54:32. Awesome! A veritable solar eclipse of chronometry. This is the last year for this, isn't it?

Perhaps you are not aware that there are guidelines that govern the path at Green Lake, particularly if you are a GL newbie or infrequent user. That's okay, it's cool. But now you know. There are. Tell your friends! Please, Green Lakers, please make sure you are on the correct side of the path. Walkers, runners, joggers, baby strollers, adults who walk with little kids who "ride" a "bike" --- you can ambulate in whichever direction pleases you, but you stay to the inside. Check the signs, check the brass inserts in the concrete ... you'll find I'm correct. I get the outside, but I can only travel counter-clockwise. That is the delicate compromise that has been struck. We all have to give up something. Oh, and lordonaboard make sure your awesome fucking dog stays close to you and that the leash doesn't cut across lanes. If I am killed, your dog will unfortunately need to be put down. Confidential to the man with the smart mouth who was w...

I had this audition recently. Everything I tend to like these days - a cool play, an amazing director, a great part and (the deal maker for me) only 2 scenes ! Dreamy. I prepared, I did well. You can never tell, but I got the impression that I was in the final running. I thought I might get it, but I didn’t. I got the call, hung up, and I was all like, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner." It is in that moment that I realized I needed to take a sabbatical. So I’m giving up acting. It is therefore certain that within a short period of time, all the most amazing opportunities will fall from the sky into my lap without any effort on my part. And let’s be true --- I’m not really giving it up. Per se. Maybe. It’s simply true that you never know what’s around the corner. Maybe the perfect acting opportunity will come along and I will be thrilled and grateful to accept, maybe the perfect acting opportunity will never come along and I won’t even notice, maybe I just need a season...

It's lame to post simply to apologize for not posting and then to say I'll get back to it soon. None-the-less ...

I love inside jokes. The whole concept of them. I mean - the jokes I don't always (ie. almost never) get. And I for sure think that inside jokes should hardly ever (ie. never) be aired in a public forum. * But I'm talking about those private inside jokes that aren't usually even jokes --- they're more a shorthand for "I love you, I get you, we have a shared experience that means something pretty cool and we both know what it is, even if we could never explain why if pressed." Phrases and exchanges that are not meant to exclude outsiders but to share a wink with insiders. They are not even meant to be overheard by others; indeed, often you might be mildly (but not unpleasantly) embarrassed to realize you were witnessed in such an exchange. Usually they involve a small group (e.g. a couple or my mom, dad & me), and in rarer circumstances a larger group that has a very close and long-term bond (e.g. Bald Faced Lie, or a football team, I guess). When I am acci...

STATS 17-Oct 2006 22-Nov 2006 23-Dec 2006 22-Jan 2007 Weight 166 lbs. 166 lbs. 162 lbs. 157 lbs. Body Fat 34.5% 33.5% 31% 28% Fat Mass / Lean Mass 57 lbs. / 109 lbs. 55.5 lbs. / 110.5 lbs. 50 lbs / 112 lbs. 44 lbs. / 113 lbs. TESTS 17-Oct 2006 22-Nov 2006 23-Dec 2006 22-Jan 2007 Sit & Reach 9” 1’2” 1'3” 1'5" Sit-ups 20 28 32 32 Push-ups 15 26 33 18 Pull-ups 15 29 23 26 T-test 14.97 sec. 14.22 sec. 13.62 sec. 13.60 sec. Plank 59 sec. 1 min. 22 sec. 1 min. 45 sec. 2 min. 8 sec. Wow! So I've lost 9 lbs overall, but I've lost freakin' THIRTEEN POUNDS OF FAT! And the push-ups look like they went down, but no my friend ... I graduated to real push-ups, so I have now set a new baseline. The pull-ups were up from last month but still down from 2 months ago. Weird. I can only assume I was cheating prior to last month. My new goals & promises: =>In 3 months, below 150 w/ body fat at 25%. =>Comfortable in a size 10 again. =>Up the intensity on the 3x/week...

SPF-1: No Protection -- Chili Cook Off WHEN: Monday, January 22nd @ 6pm WHERE: Theatre Off Jackson, on 7th just south of Jackson in the Intl District HOW MUCH: $10 at the door gets you inside, warm, eating chili & voting for your fave. An add'l $5 gets you a bottomless beer or wine cup. No-host bar for hard liquor. WHY: I'm on the Steering Committee for this solo performance festival, and also directing Shoogie's show in it. This is an early kickoff event & fundraiser for what will become a yearly festival. This year's line-up is really exciting! Let your budget (or lack thereof) be your guide ... live auction, silent auction & raffle for cool items to fit all budgets. Or just come give us love and eat some chili; that's cool, too!

How I know we're (mostly) adults now: We "hosted" (at a bar) our joint b-day party starting at 7pm last night, and the first few guests showed up ... at 7pm!! My ex-husband and various other exxes of attendees were there and it wasn't awkward for anyone. No one got wasted. Shoogie and I were the very last to leave and I was still in bed by 11:30pm. I was in, alert, and ready for an 8am meeting this morning. What still gives me hope for our last vestiges of carefree youth: Ass-grabbing strangers and friends alike. The playful yet unyielding focus on the extremely nice tits of our server. Shoogie and I were the last to leave, and had to cover the leftover bill from people who forgot to pay or underestimated their share.

My ass-kicking friend (& best coworker in the world, by the way) made me this "cake" for my office b-day celebration. God bless her & them for letting me stick to my minimal sweets resolutions this early in the year.

Oops - I forgot to tell you that no animals were harmed in the making of that last pictoral. It was staged, and I am a trained professional (*snort*). And also - I do NOT wear that headgear when I work out. Seriously. I don't! Shut up.

1. A typical day.                             2. Uh-oh, I'm falling! 3. Ooh, bad luck!                             4. Thank god for my safety helmet!

9:30am Early morning crank call. A whispering woman who didn't want to wake up her boyfriend asked me to guess who she was. I hate that shit, but I stayed on the line because it was my b-day and I thought it might be a friend of mine fucking with me and I wanted to act like a good sport. She knew my name and she did tell me her(?) name (which I didn't recognize, and which I won't disclose here because I suspect it was false). She said we had mutual friends; that she's never felt this way about a woman before; and did I want to hear about the dream she'd just had about me? No, thank you. *click* Lucky me. Jesus. What, am I 19 again? 1:15pm Our neighbor Don came by when we were almost ready to ditch for the weekend. He was going into shock and needed sugar. Holy moly. Knowing nothing about diabetes, we had no idea whether that sounded right or not. We took him at his word, and Shoogie cut up a pear and gave it to him immediately, and gave him the rest of our sta...

About a half-year ago, I spoke of my college wish/dream book and my friend LMB who still kept her book and updated it on a regular basis. A few years ago, she and her husband added an item to the book that is within spitting distance of coming true: This is a very delicate email to write and a very personal plea. After 1 & 1/2 years of searching, we think we might have found the perfect building for our rare/used bookstore and P.I. firm. It is located right on the border of two Chicago neighborhoods, Morgan Park and Beverly. It is right across the street from a little green park and a Metra Station. It is within blocks of the Beverly Arts Center, the police station, a post office and a high school. The building is beautiful and perfect for what we need. However, the downpayment is just a few thousand dollars out of our reach. We need to raise approx $11,000 and we think we can scrape up about $7,000. FYI, she did not ask me to post this; I am posting it of my own free will because...