i fell off the wagon, and hit the ground hard

-
Hello, I've been avoiding you. Oh, it's not you - it's me for sure. The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of classic "real life" activity. I won't got into it again - I cursorily explained it in my last post. However, in the last post, my bad habits hadn't been creeping back in yet. Although it seems that I did anticipate them quite eerily.

Yes, it's true. I am humbled to report that my forward momentum ceased. I was phoning it in. I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts because I was busy and (I justified) at least was working out 3x/week with Cody. But then I was dissatisfied with my workouts because I wasn't ever getting anywhere because I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts. And even at my most avoidful, I can easily spot that circular logic. Eventually.

I was driving to my workout a week ago, kinda not wanting to go and fantasizing about excuses I could use to cancel. And then I thought - what the hell am I doing paying for a personal trainer? I'm not remotely wealthy enough to throw money away, not to mention my time and energy. And I'm sure Cody appreciates the money, but his time and energy are worth more than that, too. So I had 2 choices. I either quit, or ...

So I walked in and asked Cody for help to "recommit." And the fates bless him, he sensed exactly what I needed. Instead of the workout he had planned, he pulled out his laptop and made me set new specific goals. I, of course, hated this and immediately regretted my rash declaration.

KIDDING! Well, half-kidding. I don't love goal-setting part of it, but I'm living proof that it works, so I took my medicine and immediately felt SO MUCH BETTER. Hindsight being 20/20 and all - it was so clear to me that I'd been coming into workouts with a ... how to put this ... with an emotional barrier. I knew I wasn't doing the best I could, and so I was distancing myself from the process. It makes it easier to ignore that I'm the responsible party.

GOD! This workout/fitness process is so close to my acting process that sometimes I find it disturbing. If you're an actor, you may know what I mean. Another rumination for another day.

More soon ... I just wanted to let you know where I'd been off to.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

well, just don't

-
On an almost cellular level, I sincerely abhor the new catch-all catch-phrase when someone thinks they're making a clever point: "I'm just saying." Or - even worse - without the pronoun: "Just saying." Oh, really ? Is *that* what you're just doing? Saying? Well, I'm just punching you in the nose, you self-satisfied fuckwad. I despise it. It has this air of undeserved smug finality, as if god itself has made this person the mouthpiece of the final say in the matter. Always with the implied silence of an ellipsis, as if daring you to disagree with their obviously airtight summation. Oh, I see! If it's you that's saying, well - that's it, then! Case closed, everybody! He just said! Please don't just say, "Just saying." It's rude. Say what you want to say, and then, if it's a spirited discussion, maybe back it up with a few well-reasoned points. Then let others say. It totally works.
Read more

... and a gun to go with it

-
I was re-reading this post , and the comments, and I realized that I'd be ashamed and embarrassed if my bosses read it. Not because I'm chicken (I'm not), nor because I said things I didn't mean (I didn't). I intended to be humorously snarky , but I just sounded like an ass (to myself at least). Because I called them out when I really should have called myself out. I used them as examples of an issue I've personally been struggling with. What does it mean to be politically liberal? I know many of the definitions, that's not what I mean. But how do I manifest it in my daily life? Do I choose to spend my money at businesses that act in accordance with my beliefs? Do I leave my car at home whenever possible? Do I always recycle, even when it's a pain in the ass? Well, I have given up some things that I enjoy(ed), but usually only when it's not inconvenient to me. Like I gave up McDonald's fast food. Primarily I gave it up because of environmental an...
Read more

de plane! de plane!

-
So I wanna get some more tattoos. I've held off for years since my first/last ones (back in college) ... not because I didn't catch the bug ('cause oh I did), but because of my CAREER. Well, fuck! Fuck THAT. I figure, what the hell? I'm not acting, I still want the tattoos... done deal. I can regret it later. That reminds me of an old BFL joke: Leaping off cliff in the throes of carpe-diem-ness: "No regrets! NO REGRETS!!" Realizing 2 seconds later that you just leapt off a fucking cliff: "Regrets! Oh, regrets!" Anyhoo ... tattoo. Where? What? Advice welcome. I have some ideas, but what I really want is someone really cool and intuitive and talented to interview me and then design me something. Does that happen? Do people do that without you having to be a millionaire? Many things I'd have once considered tattooing have been ruined by others. Things that inspire/intrigue me but that have been co-opted by or are so closely associat...
Read more