Virtual Hyperbole

I had a terrible audition. Not terrible horrible, but terribly uninspiring, which any actor will tell you is worse. I'm guessing directors will tell you that too. Anyway, admidst my relative boringness came a cool reminder of why I love the puzzle of working on good plays with smart and talented people. I had read the play thoroughly once and skimmed it once or twice more. And I worked on the one scene a bunch, alone and with Monkey's help. I can tell you from years of experience that the scene is funny; you can just tell. It's written funny - the rhythms, the spikes, the language, the pace - but it didn't seem that way coming out of my mouth. I knew that it was supposed to be, but couldn't figure out why it wasn't . Frustrating as hell but I figured, ah fuck it; maybe I'm wrong. Just do it faster and bigger, that makes everything funny! I was not wrong. Which became clear in an infinity of awkwardness while I read the scene for the director. I was not funn...

So I have another audition tomorrow. Funny, yeah? ( How's that no-acting thing going? Oh, good, ya know; getting by.) A different show, but the same company; they cast for their whole season all at once. It's a director I've always admired but never worked with, a playwright that I really like a ton, and the theatre (of which I'm a fan) is blocks from my home. That's what they call a win-win, people. They called me in for 2 different roles. After reading the play (which is really good - another win), I did something I've never ever done before in the history of auditioning ... I told them I was not interested in reading for one of the roles, and that I wouldn't be preparing those sides. It's not a bad part, but it didn't intrigue or stimulate me. In fact, the thought of auditioning for this role and and the small possibility that I could be cast in it was making me feel like ditching the audition altogether, even though I really like the ot...

My cure for the common audition is a whiskey. Despite my ambivalence, it's still the best thing to silence the minor demons in my head who assure me that I should've this or shouldn't've that . Get thee behind me with a Makers in front of me. Also. You're supposed to bring a headshot and resume to an audition. Oh right. This I remembered just in time to print a resume, dig through my photos, realize I don't have a stash of current pics because I didn't bother to replenish because of the whole "giving up acting" thing I've got going on, remember that I have a high-res scan of my pic, thank Athena that I just changed the toner in my printer, print a pic, head out the door, and arrive just barely in time and sweating. I did not freak out, fall down or throw up. It went well. I like acting; it's like a favorite pair of super comfy jeans.

That's how it's marked in my calendar; it's how I've always marked it in my calendar. The notation hasn't changed, but I have. I haven't performed in a full-length show in over a year, and haven't auditioned for anything in just about 2 years. I feel ... ambivalent. I'm not sure that I really truly understood the nature of ambilvalence until now. I've ususally used that word either (a.) to describe something akin to reluctance, (b.) when I couldn't care less, or (c.) in order to avoid commitment. No longer will I disrespect this excellent and perfect word. AUD. Nobody is more surprised than I.

Multi-tasking - much like swimming pool sex - is overrated. It seems like it'd be a good idea, but it's really not that great. Perhaps even unpleasant or harmful. More time is wasted in multi-tasking than is wasted in water-cooler conversations, for instance. Certainly more than than is being wasted right now in my taking a full-on break from work and typing this post. This isn't sour grapes from someone who sucks at multi-tasking; I'm actually "good" at it (however you measure that crap). It's just a shitty way to get quality work done efficiently. Are you, too, an excellent multi-tasker? Does it make you, too, feel like you never really ever get anything done? Try this: take your 8-hr. desk-job workday and break it up into eight 1-hr. segments. During each hour, do something on your to-do list. Seriously. You might be surprised. For those of us at email-dependent jobs, I suggest the following. Either: dedicate 1 morning slot and 1 afternoon slot for em...

I don't diet - there's no point, I end up obsessing about food which I don't actually do usually - but I am watching it. I'd like to lose "the last elusive 10," and I know I'll just feel better. Ya know - run faster, jump higher, live with greater abandon, practice zen-like patience, carpe diem, et al. I DO NOT LIKE: self-deprivation. Let's face it, my kith. I like to eat. I like to drink good whiskey and good wine and the occasional excellent mixed drink. "Apertif" and "digestif" are 2 words that I am thrilled to have (and use) in my personal lexicon. I absolutely adore epic meals the span the length of an entire evening or mid-day, when you get just as drunk off of food and conversation as off of wine. I DO LIKE: weighing consequences. I don't mind that, after one of those aforementioned glorious epic dinners with Monkey on Friday, I woke up in a cold sweat several times through the night because my body was working ...

The lion had better transform into a lamb pretty fucking quick.

Every March 17th, I think about the very best Lusty Lady signs* EVER. (Proven fact.) It was many many years ago on a St. Patrick's Day -- back when I was still a babe in the city; when I was still a Mrs. "Erin go braugh-less" . . . and (my fave) . . . "Porn beef and grabbage" *Lusty Lady is a strip club in downtown Seattle that has a big marquee sign out front, and they change the risque puns posted on it frequently.

I have to admit frustration. Since mid-Febraury, I've been diligent about counting calories, cooking at home, eating in a much more balanced manner, keeping exercise levels consistent; and yet the scale does not move down. And in the last week, I am sorry to report that it's moved up. I don't expect miracles or even drastic change, but seriously? C'mon now.

Dames and dudes: I updated my HardWearables site with a bunch of new photos. They aren't great photos, but they'll do for now. Take a look, think about your loved ones, and then about the fact that you haven't gotten any shopping done yet. If you get an inkling to get your hands on my hardware, email me. I can hook you up with a day or two lead time; esp. if you live in Seattle.

So I wanna get some more tattoos. I've held off for years since my first/last ones (back in college) ... not because I didn't catch the bug ('cause oh I did), but because of my CAREER. Well, fuck! Fuck THAT. I figure, what the hell? I'm not acting, I still want the tattoos... done deal. I can regret it later. That reminds me of an old BFL joke: Leaping off cliff in the throes of carpe-diem-ness: "No regrets! NO REGRETS!!" Realizing 2 seconds later that you just leapt off a fucking cliff: "Regrets! Oh, regrets!" Anyhoo ... tattoo. Where? What? Advice welcome. I have some ideas, but what I really want is someone really cool and intuitive and talented to interview me and then design me something. Does that happen? Do people do that without you having to be a millionaire? Many things I'd have once considered tattooing have been ruined by others. Things that inspire/intrigue me but that have been co-opted by or are so closely associat...

I have not agreed with McCain much of the time since I started paying attention to him (in his failed bid for the White House), but he was someone that I learned to respect greatly. "There's a thinking man," I said to myself. "Goshdarnit, we may not agree, but he has integrity. He actually thinks . I think we'd be okay if he were elected." Oh, if wishes were horses ... The current John McCain is a shell of the previous John McCain, and I am sad when I see him speak now. As I watched his acceptance speech at the RNC, I wanted SO BAD to see the McCain I'd come to admire. As much as I want this whole right-wing fiasco of a goverment to collapse under the weight of its own lies, I wished with all I had that the real John McCain, the one hiding deep down inside, would burst through and show what he used to made of. I may have cried. At least I felt like it. I want Obama to win so badly it's stupid to even talk about, but I still want the aliens to return ...

It is only appropriate that I celebrated the eve of my fulltimeness by staying out WAY too late and drinking a WEE BIT too much. I had a low-grade hangover all morning. Hey, look at me! I'm an adult!

I was featured in an essay that Mike Daisey wrote for The Stranger this past week. If you read this blog or know me pretty well, it's easy to identify the friend of the story as me. Setting aside the main thrust of the essay for a minute and focusing on ME because this is MY BLOG ... It was interesting to read my situation as a story. Mike sent it to me before it went to print, and I giggled when I read it. Because I seem so tragically romantic, which is not how I feel inside. But what he writes does not ring false, and I endorsed it fully. Because it is sad, isn't it? I live my life - it is impossible to view my own life as a narrative. I've come to peace with whatever this decision might mean for me and my future, or else I wouldn't've been able to make the decision in the first place. But as a narrative, it's kinda fucking depressing, for real. If it wasn't me - if I didn't know the person Mike was talking about - I would've felt a ta...

If you eat like shit, you will feel like shit. Trust me, I've done the research and it's true.

LOTSA CHANGES! (You get a super special secret kiss if you can name or describe that BFL show and/or sketch.) Oh, by the by ... I've given up theatre again. You can see my past reflections on this subject (in chrono order): here (in which I break up with acting) , here (in which acting & I patch things up) , and here (in which I continue to question my relationship with acting) . I haven't spilled much about my experience with The Women at ACT Theatre. As long as I live, I will think of that production as a gift. An incredibly unique, wonderful and truly special experience. I really have nothing bad to say about it. I loved every minute. And yet, ironically, it was during the production that I realized that my previous semi-facetious disavowal of acting was perhaps actually my prescient subconsciousness prepping me for future action. During the show's process, I looked at the actors around me (in and out of the show). They mainly fall into 3 categories. They ...

For the first time in weeks, today I drank as much water as I should. In related news, I also peed like 100 times, but who cares? I know from experience that it regulates as soon as my body's flushed some of its toxins. I'm also trying to cut back on my diet cola consumption. At one point, I'd quit it altogether, but then I quit quitting. Now I'm going to quit quit quitting. I'll have to find new ways to get my caffeine. Maybe I'll just start taking speed. I'm joking. DON'T DO DRUGS. I am finding that it's not the lack of desire to workout that keeps me from it; nor is it the lack of time anymore now that the holidays are over. It's simply that sometimes I get distracted and I forget. Yesterday, for instance - I wanted to workout, but I also wanted to get this project done. * I planned to work on the first half of the project, take a break & workout, and then finish up the project. Well, I forgot to workout. So thoroughly, in f...

I am glorying in newfound web vanity . In other news, although I never quite recovered from STAYING UP UNTIL FOUR IN THE MORNING, I had nary a sign of hangover. Which is either a true miracle or a freak oversight of nature that I'm sure I will pay for imminently. In the meantime - HEY! you guys that own whoever makes Emergence-C ... I have no right to feel as good as I do, and I thank you.

I'm kidding. Kind of. Seriously, though - that shit is HARD. TODAY: 45 minutes of beginner's yoga Prior to: Felt rushed; was worried about how much time I had (or rather didn't have) before I had to leave for the 14/48 meeting. During: Felt good - the stretches in particular. The woman on the DVD I have does an excellent job of getting me to visualize various muscle activations & grounding, and also describing how it might feel. This helps me a lot, since I don't have a personal coach in the room to monitor me. After: Glad I fit it in; I really needed the stretching. Yoga's a bit sneaky -- at the time, I felt like maybe I should have done more, but now (a few hours later), my body feels even the little that I did. Tomorrow, I have the same time crunch issue with work & 14/48. I will try to make it home in between the two and bike for at least 1/2-hr. (stationary bike).

So. Turns out that fitness is still one of the first things out the window when I get busy. Not a surprise to me, truly. At least it wasn't the very first thing I threw out the window. And I kept my weight steady throughout the holiday season, even though my habits slipped. I can only guess that some of my base level habits have changed for the better, and I'm actually getting more activity & eating better all around, even though it hasn't been at the forefront of my mind. 2008 is a brand new year full of promise, and I intend to participate in an August triathlon in Seattle. 1/2-mile swim, 12-mile bike, 3-mile run (or thereabouts, depending on the final route). I was persuaded (quite easily) to do it by a friend who was going to do it again only if she could round up some other gals to commit. So I'm in, as well as some other lady friends of ours (it's a female-only event). The most exciting development is that my mom's going to fly out to do it wit...