i want to remember this feeling

-
I don't diet - there's no point, I end up obsessing about food which I don't actually do usually - but I am watching it. I'd like to lose "the last elusive 10," and I know I'll just feel better. Ya know - run faster, jump higher, live with greater abandon, practice zen-like patience, carpe diem, et al.

I DO NOT LIKE: self-deprivation. Let's face it, my kith. I like to eat. I like to drink good whiskey and good wine and the occasional excellent mixed drink. "Apertif" and "digestif" are 2 words that I am thrilled to have (and use) in my personal lexicon. I absolutely adore epic meals the span the length of an entire evening or mid-day, when you get just as drunk off of food and conversation as off of wine.

I DO LIKE: weighing consequences. I don't mind that, after one of those aforementioned glorious epic dinners with Monkey on Friday, I woke up in a cold sweat several times through the night because my body was working overtime to process what it assumed could only be foreign invaders. I didn't mind because I knew that might be the price I paid. I planned for it. WORTH IT.

I do, however, mind it today when I am running late for work, don't have time to pack lunch, decide to take advantage of no packed lunch to "splurge," go out and get some momentarily-delicious-but-crappy-for-me-junk-filled lunch, wolf it down like a deprived addict, and then within an hour feel like my head is going to split open and my guts may rebel in several different styles. I ate mindlessly something I wasn't even really craving because I thought it'd be fun, and - hell - it's Monday, I'm tired and I deserve it. Boo-hoo. I totally subverted my better judgement, and I'm glad I'm paying for it.

You know what's kinda freaky, though, is how soon this feeling would go away if I just kept it up eating relative crap. And then it would be the opposite, and I would feel crappy when I had to wean myself off of the junk. That is actually a sufficiently sobering thought to slap me in line. It was hard enough to get here the first time.

I have the knowledge and the power. I need to choose to use it for good.

(Those last 2 sentences made me giggle.)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

well, just don't

-
On an almost cellular level, I sincerely abhor the new catch-all catch-phrase when someone thinks they're making a clever point: "I'm just saying." Or - even worse - without the pronoun: "Just saying." Oh, really ? Is *that* what you're just doing? Saying? Well, I'm just punching you in the nose, you self-satisfied fuckwad. I despise it. It has this air of undeserved smug finality, as if god itself has made this person the mouthpiece of the final say in the matter. Always with the implied silence of an ellipsis, as if daring you to disagree with their obviously airtight summation. Oh, I see! If it's you that's saying, well - that's it, then! Case closed, everybody! He just said! Please don't just say, "Just saying." It's rude. Say what you want to say, and then, if it's a spirited discussion, maybe back it up with a few well-reasoned points. Then let others say. It totally works.
Read more

... and a gun to go with it

-
I was re-reading this post , and the comments, and I realized that I'd be ashamed and embarrassed if my bosses read it. Not because I'm chicken (I'm not), nor because I said things I didn't mean (I didn't). I intended to be humorously snarky , but I just sounded like an ass (to myself at least). Because I called them out when I really should have called myself out. I used them as examples of an issue I've personally been struggling with. What does it mean to be politically liberal? I know many of the definitions, that's not what I mean. But how do I manifest it in my daily life? Do I choose to spend my money at businesses that act in accordance with my beliefs? Do I leave my car at home whenever possible? Do I always recycle, even when it's a pain in the ass? Well, I have given up some things that I enjoy(ed), but usually only when it's not inconvenient to me. Like I gave up McDonald's fast food. Primarily I gave it up because of environmental an...
Read more

de plane! de plane!

-
So I wanna get some more tattoos. I've held off for years since my first/last ones (back in college) ... not because I didn't catch the bug ('cause oh I did), but because of my CAREER. Well, fuck! Fuck THAT. I figure, what the hell? I'm not acting, I still want the tattoos... done deal. I can regret it later. That reminds me of an old BFL joke: Leaping off cliff in the throes of carpe-diem-ness: "No regrets! NO REGRETS!!" Realizing 2 seconds later that you just leapt off a fucking cliff: "Regrets! Oh, regrets!" Anyhoo ... tattoo. Where? What? Advice welcome. I have some ideas, but what I really want is someone really cool and intuitive and talented to interview me and then design me something. Does that happen? Do people do that without you having to be a millionaire? Many things I'd have once considered tattooing have been ruined by others. Things that inspire/intrigue me but that have been co-opted by or are so closely associat...
Read more