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a case of the mondays

A friend just reminded me of one my favorite TV show quotes; it's from The Drew Carey Show * : "Oh, so you don't like your job? Why didn't you TELL me?! There's a support group for that! It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar." *I want to carry that show around on a keychain, I think it's so adorable.

well, just don't

On an almost cellular level, I sincerely abhor the new catch-all catch-phrase when someone thinks they're making a clever point: "I'm just saying." Or - even worse - without the pronoun: "Just saying." Oh, really ? Is *that* what you're just doing? Saying? Well, I'm just punching you in the nose, you self-satisfied fuckwad. I despise it. It has this air of undeserved smug finality, as if god itself has made this person the mouthpiece of the final say in the matter. Always with the implied silence of an ellipsis, as if daring you to disagree with their obviously airtight summation. Oh, I see! If it's you that's saying, well - that's it, then! Case closed, everybody! He just said! Please don't just say, "Just saying." It's rude. Say what you want to say, and then, if it's a spirited discussion, maybe back it up with a few well-reasoned points. Then let others say. It totally works.

acting 101

Hang with me through this post - I promise I'm making a point here about my fitness (albeit perhaps obliquely). As I progressed through my acting training in college, I was taught - and encouraged to employ - a wide variety of styles and methods. We started with basics in Fundamentals of Acting (the title of our majors' intro course): text & character. This was followed very closely by - practically simultaneously with - objectives (goals) & intention (how you achieve them). As I and my peers progressed, the scope was widened, and we learned other techniques to supplement and enhance the basics (breath patterns, emotional recall, alexander technique, lessac vs. linklater , bippity boppity boo). We would learn and practice these techniques in isolation, which is necessarily the way of teaching (although not the way of acting or of life, really), but the idea was that they were all building blocks for a well-rounded actor. (I now prefer to think of it as a road-map, b...

push me, pull you

Remember - back in the 80s - when I gave up acting ? Well, the truth is that I apparently can't keep my hands off acting. We fought for awhile, but now I guess we're back on. On again, off again. Just like a high school love affair. But that's not exactly apt, because acting is legion. It's not just one boyfriend that I keep falling out with, but a whole bunch of different boys who are kinda sorta different, but end up eventually bugging the shit out of me for the same reasons. Therefore, just like life, I need to make better choices. I will only date acting when it's really worth it, and not just when I'm lonely and need a cuddle. I have boys for that.

blog infatuation

I love maps. Absolutely crazy for them. Consequently, this is my new obsession ... strange maps I am ga-ga.

dorothy was right

I was doing my laundry the other day and I reached automatically into my pockets for quarters. ... I just realized that means nothing to you unless you know this: we just moved into a house with a washer/dryer. And oh so many other perks. My new home is the fucking garden of earthly delights. I am not kidding. Two stories, a front and a back yard, a bedroom, an office, a workout room, a true guest bedroom, 2 bathrooms, a driveway, a garage, a basketball net, closet space you wouldn't believe ... I am in bliss. I am simply searching for the perfect living room curtains.

i fell off the wagon, and hit the ground hard

Hello, I've been avoiding you. Oh, it's not you - it's me for sure. The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of classic "real life" activity. I won't got into it again - I cursorily explained it in my last post. However, in the last post, my bad habits hadn't been creeping back in yet. Although it seems that I did anticipate them quite eerily. Yes, it's true. I am humbled to report that my forward momentum ceased. I was phoning it in. I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts because I was busy and (I justified) at least was working out 3x/week with Cody. But then I was dissatisfied with my workouts because I wasn't ever getting anywhere because I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts. And even at my most avoidful, I can easily spot that circular logic. Eventually. I was driving to my workout a week ago, kinda not wanting to go and fantasizing about excuses I could use to cancel. And then I thought - what the ...

i'm still standing

It's been a cRaZy month. First the detox, then there were (are) some upheavals on the workfront, then we decided to get a second cat, and now we're suddenly moving at the end of this month! It's been mostly good stuff, but big changes for me. Stress levels are rising, and although it's not bad stress, it's stress none-the-less. Stress without anxiety, if you see what I mean. Anyway, my past patterns would indicate that this is exactly ripe for me to slack on my fitness & health routines, and to start eating a lot of comfort food. I'll be monitoring myself closely because I know it's a tendency of mine; however, so far - I'm doing really well (if I do say so myself). I've made sure to do some kind of exercise every day, and while I'm not skimping on my food desires I'm also not eating crap. I'm staying fairly balanced. This bodes well for me, I think. If you'll allow me to pat myself on the back for a self-indulgent minute: I jogg...

meow + meow = ????

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We got a new cat last week. His name is Sebastian, and he's about 1-yr. old. He's a total lover. Our original cat, Turtle, is also a lover. But she's been an only cat for a few years, and we're not sure how the whole thing's gonna go down. It makes me sad and anxious to see our baby all stressed out & hiding under the couch and hissing and growling. She's never been like that; up to this point, she's always been very calm & present & playful. New people don't bother her; even kids running around chasing her doesn't stress her out. She loves it. But she's not loving this. Yet. (If ever.) I know it's bound to be a difficult transition under all but the very best of circumstances, but Monkey & I are losing our shit a little. SUNDAY 6/3 We brought Sebastian home. We set the carrier down in the living room so that Turtle could sniff around and recognize a new presence. She hissed a bit -- she obviously wasn't thrilled, but she ...

tally

For those of you keeping score at home ... I started out the detox at 148.6 lbs. I hit my lowest weight on Day 11, at 138.2 lbs. The morning of Day 14, right before I ate my first proper breakfast in 2 weeks, I weighed in at 139.8 lbs. I have gained weight slowly but steadily since then, and I seem to be evening out around the 142/143 lbs mark.

morning has broken

Now I know what it was. It was like the last week of school after exams have already happened, and the professor is still giving you homework. That's what yesterday was. I have eaten, and the sun is shining. However, in a cruel twist of fate, as I was driving home from rehearsal last night ... I swallowed, and I knew - without question - that, all of a sudden, I was sick. And yep. I woke up with a full-blown cold this morning. Ain't it a bitch?

the final countdown

Today is the last day of my detox diet. That makes tomorrow the first day of the rest of my life. Honestly, I wouldn't have stuck this out all 13 days if I hadn't publically said that I would. I wish it had been a 9-day detox. It's not that it's been difficult to go without regular food - not since day 3, really. However, I have not received any noticable benefit in the past several days, apart from some more weight loss. My overriding feelings at this point are of utter boredom and moderate annoyance. I am receiving nourishment, but no joy. Yesterday's switch to raw veggies & fruits provided some minor excitement, but I long to be truly sated. I'm glad I did it. I'd even do it again, possibly. No way in hell for 13 days, but maybe for 3-5 every once in awhile to clear my system out. Conceptually, I'm thrilled that my body's clean and that I'm starting from a clear slate, and I'm eager to monitor how I react to my standard fare. Pragmatic...

he's nobody's fool

My friend JJ has a post over at his place that is well worth checking out. I'll do it no justice by trying to capsulize it here, but it's about sexism and hatred and fear. It's wonderful, and I'm still chewing on it and untangling my thoughts about it.

i dream of broccoli

11 days down, 2 days to go. Tomorrow, I will actually get to chew food for the first time in 12 days. It's like Christmas - I want to go to bed early so that morning gets here sooner. Imagine what I'm going to feel like on Thursday night! My brain may shut down. I think the first thing I'll do upon waking on Friday is toast some bread. Sprouted whole wheat bread. With just a little organic honey. Mmmm ... I have been yearning for toast for days now. Oh my god. My brain IS going to shut down. For sure. Holy crap, I can't wait. (You can't hear me, but I just giggled maniacally.)

monkey detox - RIP, May 19-27

Monkey decided on Saturday to stop his detox as of today. He went 9 days, and lost 10 pounds and change. YAY MONKEY! Here's his explanation & his reaction to the detox: Thanks homies for putting up with my detox "blog" - This, alas, will be my last entry... it's the 9th day and I've went from 181.6 to 171.6 pounds and will probably lose one more lb. by tommorrow morning, but I'm pulling the plug after today. We haven't even opened or broken into my box of product, so Peggy and I will return it and split the money. We're both fuckin' sick to death of those goddamn powder feedings. She plans on continuing, but I'm happily putting up my gloves. I don't feel any failure; it's clear I have the willpower to finish, just not the reason or drive. EVERYONE seemed to suggest that after day 4 or 5, you'd feel better and have increased energy. This was just not the case for me; I feel fine, but the mind-numbingly DULL grind of clean living ...

hey! open up! it's meme!

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My life was normal, okay. Happy even. I had been tagged for nary a meme. I didn't know what I was missing!! Now I've got 2 on my plate! TWO! I am beside myself with anxiety and glee. Memes are like the in-crowd. You're delighted they even noticed you, but now you have to make sure you wear make-up everyday and that your shoes are perfect and that you never have a booger EVER. Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls knows what I'm talking about. The first meme comes from Tina over at The Gallivanting Monkey : I ask you to tell us 3 fantasies about yourself if you were a total, unbelievable success. Like the hero of all future reunions. This meme made me realize that my dreams are humble but fierce. Here we go ... I have the courage & resources to act in alignment with my beliefs. ALL THE TIME. I have built, decorated and furnished a home as green as humanly possible, with only exactly as much space as we need. I clean it all myself (again, green) because I like to clean and it...

hanging in there (midday of 8th day of detox)

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I feel good. I'm over the hump, and now it's just a test of wills. I know I can make it through. But will I? There's no chance of me cheating; I don't even feel the need. However, there is a real chance of me simply choosing to stop early. It's not about hunger, and it's not about being a slave to food. It's about the pure sensual, physical, social, romantic joy of eating. Texture, taste, temperature. The contrast & compliment of varied flavors. I really, truly miss it. It's not so much the food, it's the eating. The biggest reason keeping me from quitting early? Vanity, pride, the fact I won't be able to claim that I really did it. I think I'll do it. At this point - why not, right?

keep on keeping on (morning of 6th day of detox)

As I highlighted in this post , I tend to think of quantifiable amounts in fractions. Yesterday I hit the 1/3 mark, and by the end of tomorrow I will be over 1/2 of the way through this g-d trial of will. Once I hit a fraction that seems substantial and not simply depressing (like day 1 being 1/13 - that’s just sad), I feel ridiculously more comfortable. It seems manageable. I feel ... well, I feel okay. Pretty good. I’m not hungry. I’m hardly getting cravings anymore. Except for the fact that I am not eating actual meals, I feel fairly normal. I’m able to get through work with no problem. I’m able to go to my regular workouts with Cody (although without my usual verve, and he’s altered them a bit to support the detox). But I am still waiting for the surge of energy, the amazing clarity, the euphoria that everyone talks about. It’s like a freakin’ holy grail. I mean, I didn’t really do this to feel normal, ya know? I could have gotten "normal" by not doing a damn ...

oof (middle of 3rd day of detox)

This is hard. Really hard. Day 2 sucked ass. I woke up with that same headache, except a little worse. It diminished a little as I had the first "feeding" (as Monkey calls it, which totally makes me giggle). We distracted ourselves with a movie, and then went to see an apartment for rent down the block. The whole time I kinda feel like shit, but I try (and mostly fail) to have a good attitude and pretend that I can tell I'm rounding a corner. It makes it all the worse that I chose to do this. I actually start to get angry at myself for committing to something so ridiculous. It feels ludicrous, but I am trapped because I told so many people, I'm blogging about it, and I don't want to be a quitter. Which is, of course, why I told so many people & am blogging about it -- so that I wouldn't let myself off that easy. So far it's working. After Monkey left for work yesterday, I was in a bad place. And not just mentally, which is what it had been up to then. ...

eye on the prize

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I started a 2-week detox diet today, kind of a hard-core one. Monkey's doing it with me (thank god). I am chronicling it over here at my other blog, if you care to read about how it's going and, more specifically, what I'm going through. I've not done anything like this before, ever. I was nervous-excited before I started, but I'm done with that. Now I've got my head down ... it's a buzz-saw at crunch time, people. In other news, I'm going to finally finish my road trip journal entries from last summer. I can't exactly remember why I stopped, but I only cleaned up & posted my notes through July 14th, so I've got about 1/2-month's worth to go. I also need to post about Hawai'i. DAMN! Where have I been? Get on it, PEGGY! Well, enjoy these pics in the meantime. I'm hungry.