As if real life weren't challenging enough ...

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There are several "reality" shows that I and Shoogie are addicted to. Let me name them, in order of ability to take over my life:

The Amazing Race (CBS)
THE! AMAZING! RACE! Eleven teams of 2 race around the world for a cool mil. Every leg, whoever is last to the pitstop is booted. People, yes. I know it's not as good as it used to be. But it's amazing and it's a race around the world. It's not reliant on "judges" who swing the vote to keep someone tv-worthy on the air. Sometimes "the luck of the evil" wins (with due homage to Miss Alli). Just like life.

Top Chef (Bravo)
This show is great because chefs are already notorious for their egos, their lack of flexibility, and their diva fits. Also the judges are chefs, who ... well, see point #1. They do not suffer fools, and toss some good tv-makers off because they act like dicks (rather than keeping them for the same reason). Amen, people! That behavior should not be rewarded (except, of course, with a tv show). "I'm not your bitch, bitch!" "You are a tool and a douchebag." Fucking brill.

Flavor of Love (VH1)
I tried to convince myself at first that I detested this show, but it was an unfair and horrible lie. I hope the show will forgive me, because I wanna get back together. Do you know this show? Flav-o-Flav (or how-the-hell-ever you spell his name), he of "yeeeeeeeah, boyeeeeeee" fame, is looking for true love after his (presumably traumatic) split with (former flavor of love of his life) Brigitte Nielsen (who he met on another reality show that I can't believe I have never seen, The Surreal Life). Flavor of Love is like The Bachelor, which is boring, except that Flav is the bachelor. Somehow this makes it AWESOME. And now I have the tiniest yet undeniable crush on Flav. He kind of a goddamn sweetheart. The best? He still wears those huge clocks around his neck. Shit, my boyeeeee plays tennis with that shit on. Hi-LAR-ious.

There are others, oh my yes:
=> Project Runway
=> Celebrity Fit Club
=> America's Top Model
=> The Mole (r.i.p.)

You see, for Christmas my parents gave me and Shoogs the best/worst gift you can give a couple with our sense of humor & absurdity (some would call it laziness, but I wouldn't deign to get off the couch to dignify that with a response). This gift was ... cable.

SSSSSHHHHHRRRRRIIIIIEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!

I haven't had cable in many many years. What a vast wasteland of pointless disgusting beautiful vapid fascination. Gee-zus key-riced, I love it. Love. Love love love hate love. I could watch HGTV (the Home & Garden Network) or TLC (The Learning Channel), like, 27 hours a day. Except that wouldn't leave me time for the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet or Dogg the Bounty Hunter on the Bounty Hunter Channel or any of those favorite friends I listed above.

The only problem is ... when do I have time to play my computer games?

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