gone fishin'

Wish me & my bikini luck!

gone fishin'

See you next week!


itsy bitsy

Dear bikini,

You'd better be worth it.


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you can't have an assessment without asses

Weight (lbs.) 166166162157155154151
Fat/Lean Mass (lbs.)57/10955.5/110.550/11244/11342/11341/11338/113
Body Fat %34.533.531282726.525.5
Upper Armxxxxxxxx10.5”10.5”10.5"
Sit & Reach9”1’2”1'3”1'5"1'5”1'7”1'7"
T-test14.97 sec.14.22 sec.13.62 sec.13.60 sec.20.52 sec.19.65 sec.19.46 sec.
Plank59 sec.1 min. 22 sec.1 min. 45 sec.2 min. 8 sec.1 min. 20 sec.1 min. 20 sec.2 min. 2 sec.

A few things to note, if you’re keeping track (which I assume only my mom really is – hi Mom!).
PUSH-UPS: Jan-07, I graduated from on-the-knee to real push-ups.
PULL-UPS: Feb-07, I graduated from easy to medium. ("Hard" would be full bodyweight pull-ups.)
T-TEST: Feb-07, another 2 lengths of stuff was added in (lateral & sprint – whatever the hell that means).
PLANK: Mar-07, I graduated from forearms to extended arms (push-up position). February’s plank was shameful and shall never be spoken of again. But check out April's plank ... hello, nurse!

Get to below 150 lbs, w/ body fat at 25% by the end of April. ALMOST! So close I could taste it. But check out April's measurements. I feel really good.
Greater flexibility in lower back.
I’d like my fitness routine not to be the first thing I give up when life gets busy; make it an ingrained habit.
More intense cardio. For real this time.


help your selfish

I can't believe I was all like "me! me! i! me!" in my last post, when what you really want to know & see I sorely neglected.

Here is a picture of the Hokie Bird:

And here is picture of what the Bird looked like when I slept with him:

... except younger.


old exit 37

VT has obviously been on my mind this week. Flashes of memory are surfacing like bubbles. I thought maybe I'd try to give me & you something else to remember about Tech for awhile.

Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University = VA Tech = Tech = VT. The VT logo was designed by a math student who based it on the notation for the square root of 1.

These are my very best college friends. From left to right, we have Stephanie McGinnis, Lynn Marie Bagley (sitting), yours truly standing behind Lynn, Sioux Madden, and Lee Worley. We were at Spring Fling of my sophomore year - that's the huge year-end theater department bacchanalia. 1990 - check out all the awesome hair! Lynn, Sioux & Lee changed my life, individually & severally. I loved them so much. I still do.

Lee taught me self-defense, and also how to be actual friends with a guy. He was older than me and he laughed easily and talked even easier. He was a huge influence on me; and helped me through a lot of angsty late teen confusion. Anyway, after acting class one day, we were standing at the water fountain, and I spit a whole mouthful of water in his face. Stupid youthful impulse. He thought it was hilarious (thank christ), and swore he'd get me back. A few months later, I'd forgotten all about it, and we were at the library. We were walking & talking and he stopped for water. As he stood up, I just knew I was about to get soaked - it was a gleam in his eye. Before I could react, he spit. I could do nothing; there wasn't any time. At that exact moment - I shit you not - a girl walked right in between us and got the full blast. I escaped! He profusely apologized to her (with me unhelpfully in fits of giggles), and then chased me all the way back to the PAB (Performing Arts Building).

Lee also crashed an exam of mine. HA! I just remembered this. I was kind of a secret math genius (boy, sure have let that skill founder, haven't we?), and I passed my AP Calculus exam in high school with a 5, so I only needed 9 credits (3 semesters) of math in undergrad. (Interesting, because I passed AP English with a 4 and only needed 3 college credits -- that's what you get for going to an engineering school, I guess.) I took Real & Unreal Math (yeah - don't ask because I don't remember), Statistics & something else I can’t remember right now. I loved Stat, it was so interesting. I guess I should say I loved the subject itself. The exams sucked ass, and seemed to have no bearing on what jazzed me in class. The final was unbearable, except for the fact that Lee - who wasn’t in the class - waltzed in about ½-way through the test. It was a big enough class that only Sioux & I would know he wasn't supposed to be there. He had a loud and hilarious conversation with the TA, where he pretended he'd just woken up and needed to take the exam. he grabbed an exam, sat right at the front, scribbled his way through it in about 15 minutes, and then left. The TA didn't know what the hell to do. It was HIfuckingLARious.

All my math classes were EARLY. Which, ya know, sucked. There's more than one reason I was a theater major. I left the dorm one winter morning for an 8am class. It was a bitter 25ºF, and I was bundled. Two and a half hours later, I was slogging back to my dorm with all of my bulky outer clothes in a heap in my arms because it was now 65º. Friggin’ crazy. It was my freshman year, and I’d never seen anything like that. By senior year, I secretly waited for it to happen. There was always one freakish week in late January/early February that felt like crazy spring. The trees would bloom, we’d all skip classes, we’d feel young and all-powerful. Then the trees would crawl back up inside themselves and reality would slap us upside the head, in the form of a raw wind cutting us in half no matter how appropriately we tried to dress.

I much preferred my classes on the north side of campus. I hated having classes across the drillfield, because that necessitated actually having to cross the damn thing. Winter was the worst. When created in the 1880s or sometime like that, the drill field was level with the road around it. Over the years, it sunk because of an underground lake. It was about the size of 4 football fields in an oval, and it was a huge bowl that basically created a wind-tunnel. When the wind was fierce (i.e. the whole g-d winter), you could let your self fall forward into the wind and still be standing straight up. It was magic. Ear-freezing, frostbiting magic. It would either take you half or twice the time as normal depending on whether you were traveling with or against the wind.

Now that I type it, I realize that I'm not sure if that underground lake story is true, or even plausible. But we all believed it.

Another thing we all believed -- that a hokie is a castrated turkey. I'm sad to say, it's a myth. It's true that our mascot is a turkey called The Hokie Bird. The turkey part comes from when VT was a military school for boys who couldn't get into VMI (or so they were derided). The VMI boys made fun of them by calling them "gobblers" - indicating that they ate too much - i.e. weren't fit or elite enough for VMI. The Techies took it and turned it around by using a turkey as their self-appointed mascot. Yes. Before my time, we were the Gobblers. Awesome! The Hokie part comes in from a popular VT cheer which started "Hokie hokie hokie hi." From that, they become known as the Hokies, but kept the turkey.

Oh, and also - I slept with the Hokie Bird. Thank you very much. He was a theater double major. And in really good shape. REALLY good. A lovely boy; I really liked him. Barry Ellenberger. God, we were children.

Ahh, memories. Funny things. These aren't the ones I even thought I was going to spill, but there they are.

Here's a picture of one of my favorite places on campus. It's a hill on the very northeast edge of campus, right where it connects with downtown Blacksburg. I'll always remember the drillfield in winter, but this place equalled summer.

crisis of faith (or, let me eat cake)

I have been SO GOOD over the month. I have been eating incredibly well, mostly staying between 1500-1700 kCals/day. (Only two days I broke it, and they were planned.) I have not been drinking alcohol. I work out with Cody 3x/week, and I do cardio 3x/week on my own. I have upped the intensity on my cardio.

And still ... I cannot break 148 lbs. And that's naked in the morning before breakfast. (Sorry for the graphic image. Oh, wait. No I'm not.) On my assessment on Saturday, I'll be clothed after breakfast, so I won't even make my 'below-150' goal.

My point is -- why do I bother being good?


I'm exaggerating for effect, of course. I know why. But some days it's really frustrating.

This, of course, is where Mom or Dad would helpfully pipe in with, "Well, kiddo, no one ever said life was fair."


32 x infinity

I found this, which goes a ways to providing the reflection I've been aching for. From the BBC website.

i had my hindsight checked - surprise! it's 20/20

My home has largely been a news-free zone for the last few days. I think I want to watch, to stay informed about what they’ve discovered, but I can barely watch about 30 seconds before I literally cover my ears and say to Shoogie, "I can’t." I’m not a very delicate soul, either; I’m pretty hardy. I gotta tell ya, too - it’s not the thought of the killings that keeps me from the news. What I can’t stomach right now is all the news noise that keeps us from actual thoughts of the killings. All the postulation, the shots-in-the-dark (pardon the expression - ha ha - cry cry), the woulda-coulda-shoulda, the knee-jerk reactions (in some cases, with an emphasis on the jerk). It minimizes the impact; it diminishes the import. Talk talk talk ... all manipulated so that - what? So we don’t actually have one single moment to think clearly and truly about what happened? I don't know why, but I can't watch it. It's offensive.

A deeply troubled human being shot 47 other human beings. On purpose. Shot 32 of them dead. And then he shot himself in the face. We can never know why. If we could, it wouldn’t be enough.


in other news ... pigs fly

I jogged 2 miles around the track today.

"Uh, Satan? Yeah, Peg here. Dude, I'm really sorry about this --- but you might want to go shopping for some winter clothes."


a mile in my shoes

Yesterday, I jogged around a track 4 times. This means I jogged a mile. One whole mile. I want to be clear on this next point: It's not the mile that's the big deal. It's the fact that I ran it. ON PURPOSE. I chose to do it. In fact, it's even worse than I realized at first ... I actually wanted to. In fact, I may even do it again tomorrow.

Oh lord. I have to drastically re-draft the secret image I hold of myself. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, now it turns out I'm a jogger.

I jog.

Oof. I think I need to lay down.

deadly day

A lone gunman opened fire this morning in 2 separate shootings at Virginia Tech. It's all over the news channels, or you can google it and find it easy. I can't link to it, because I can't watch it anymore.

VA Tech is my alma mater. It's where I became a fledgling adult. It's where I met & fell in love with my former husband. It's where I learned to drink a whole bottle of Andre pink blush champagne in an evening at a party. It's where I learned to be a real actor. It's where I fell in love with Shakespeare. It's where I learned how to express what was inside of me. It's where I learned how not to by shy. It's where I learned that the world was bigger than I was.

This on top of all the senseless lives lost in ones & twos & soldiers & civilians all over the world.

I am unspeakably sad.



My sweetheart and I are going to Hawai'i at the end of the month. I gave Cody carte blanche to kick my ass and make said ass just a little bit tighter before I head out with my adorable swim suit. He accepted the challenge with glee. Secretly sadistic glee.

This is now what I think during workouts:

"bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini i hate cody bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini ..."

Aww, Cody. Don't cry, I was just teasing. Here, eat this cheese ... it'll make you feel better.

Geez-o-flip. Now I want cheese.

bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini


school of life

Okay, so I owe you two (TWO?! yes, two!) monthly assessments. But not right now. I'll do 'em later tonight ... unless I'm too busy smoking, drinking whiskey & eating cheese to bother. (I kid because I love.)

The thing about the assessments, though, is that they're kind of like getting a grade on an exam. The grade has varying degrees of import based on who you are (teacher, student, strict parent, etc.), but it's not necessarily wholly indicative of long-term and secret internal success. I study hard, I do my best; but at the end of the day, I feel as much about my assessments as I did about my grades ... pleasantly satisfied if I did as well as I hoped, slightly disappointed if I didn't. Either way, by the end of the day, it's forgotten. (This is why I was always a B-student who was smarter than most of the A-students.* And had more fun.)

Anywho, blah-di-blah blah blah ... off the top of my head, here's my baker's dozen of non-assessment successes since October 2006 (which I attribute directly to my fitness focus):

  1. I quit biting my nails. Without any effort on my part. I just stopped. And, girl lemme tell ya -- I'm an old-school nail biter from back in the day. I've never had unbitten nails that weren't fake.
  2. I quit smoking. This I did on purpose.
  3. I have only been sick once this season. It was a bad one, but quick. Other than that - not even a sniffle. And people were dropping like flies all around me. Sick flies.
  4. I can count on less than one hand the number of times I've had trouble sleeping.
  5. I've joyfully given up clothes I loved because they didn't fit any longer ... I'm back to a very comfy size 10. Granted - the assessment does cover weight & measurements, but the joy cannot be adequately expressed in a number.
  6. I stretch every morning (mostly).
  7. Last summer, I barely made it around Green Lake once (blading). This season, I go around twice without even debating.
  8. Even at my most busy & stressed (this past Feb/Mar), my anxiety level is extremely low. I haven't felt this overall calm since ... well since adulthood.
  9. My auditions are easier. I don't mean easy like "piece of cake" - I mean that I have an comfort and ease in the audition room I've never felt before. I still get nervous, but I don't choke it to death. I can let it flow without much effort.
  10. I'm saving quite a bit of money. Again with hardly any effort on my part. I don't eat out as much (and when I do it's a real treat, and worth the wait). I also am buying more food to actually cook rather than processed food to zap. This is way cheaper.
  11. I haven't seen the inside of a hangover in months. I haven't given up drinking booze, and I seriously doubt I will. I'm not a self-deprivation kinda gal, and I was never a heavy drinker to begin with. But when I do drink, I drink less alcohol & more water. Again, not really trying.
  12. I feel it just as much when I don't work out as when I do.
  13. I just last week gave up diet coke. It just stopped tasting good.

So, yeah - right?! I am very pleased. Sometimes I pretend I don't want to do it anymore, but I really do.

(*Hmm. Someone's quite full of herself, huh? Oooh, fancy pants, all smart & shit.)


hi honey i'm home

Hello? Anyone there? My goodness. Everyone's gone. That's what I get, I guess. I should've left a forwarding address. My goodness, this place is filthy; it needs a good spring cleaning & airing. I'll just start here with these cobwebs, and then go through that huge pile of unopened mail & newspapers ...

There! Smells like possibility. Wha -? What the? Who's there?! BLOG! You startled me! What are you doing hiding under the couch? C'mon out, I'm so glad to see you!

Oh, blog --- I have so much to tell you. Would you like some tea? Hey, what's up? Are you mad at me? C'mon, baby ... don't be like that. I promise, it wasn't just you. I've neglected everything these past couple of months. Yes. Yes, I did. Yes. I promise. Oh, don't cry, my darling. I'm back. To stay.


Awwww! C'mon! That was a joke! Come back here!


i'm complaintful today

I was writing the date today and realized that in about 5 months I will get a thousand emails helpfully reminding me that on Sept. 8th, 2007 @ a little before 7 (am or pm, you pick) that the date & time will be FOR ONE SINGLE SECOND ... dum dum DUM ... 9/8/7 6:54:32. Awesome! A veritable solar eclipse of chronometry.

This is the last year for this, isn't it?

benefit of the doubt

Perhaps you are not aware that there are guidelines that govern the path at Green Lake, particularly if you are a GL newbie or infrequent user. That's okay, it's cool. But now you know. There are. Tell your friends!

Please, Green Lakers, please make sure you are on the correct side of the path. Walkers, runners, joggers, baby strollers, adults who walk with little kids who "ride" a "bike" --- you can ambulate in whichever direction pleases you, but you stay to the inside. Check the signs, check the brass inserts in the concrete ... you'll find I'm correct. I get the outside, but I can only travel counter-clockwise. That is the delicate compromise that has been struck. We all have to give up something.

Oh, and lordonaboard make sure your awesome fucking dog stays close to you and that the leash doesn't cut across lanes. If I am killed, your dog will unfortunately need to be put down.

Confidential to the man with the smart mouth who was walking GL with his family one dusky eve: "No, YOU check the sign."


careful what you wish for

I had this audition recently. Everything I tend to like these days - a cool play, an amazing director, a great part and (the deal maker for me) only 2 scenes! Dreamy. I prepared, I did well. You can never tell, but I got the impression that I was in the final running. I thought I might get it, but I didn’t. I got the call, hung up, and I was all like, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner." It is in that moment that I realized I needed to take a sabbatical.

So I’m giving up acting. It is therefore certain that within a short period of time, all the most amazing opportunities will fall from the sky into my lap without any effort on my part.

And let’s be true --- I’m not really giving it up. Per se. Maybe. It’s simply true that you never know what’s around the corner. Maybe the perfect acting opportunity will come along and I will be thrilled and grateful to accept, maybe the perfect acting opportunity will never come along and I won’t even notice, maybe I just need a season off and before I start losing my tater mind about not performing.

I just know that right now, I’m excited to find out what it feels like in the short-term. I’ll move on to medium-term and long-term later, when they get here.