Wesley has crushed me.

Oh, blog -

I love* Wil Wheaton. I loved* Wil Wheaton before he had one of the best blogs ever (soon to return to his original space at Wil Wheaton dot Net). Before the word blog even existed. I even liked him pre-Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I began to love* him the most during the ST:TNG days. He was mine; or rather the concept of him was mine. See, I kinda sorta liked him fine --- okay, hang on, 'cause this is where it gets confusing, because now "him" is starting to refer interchangably to either Wil or his ST:TNG character Wesley; but since one of the complicated and dubious joys we experience as Americans is the ability to hold this duality about celebs in our minds and implicitly understand it, I feel sure you'll grok this --- but because my sci-fi nerd friends didn't (like him, that is) and made fun of him mercilessly, I was compelled to take up the Wil/Wesley banner, and it was then that my "he's fine" blossomed into "he's awesome, and I will kick your ass."

And then he dropped out of sight (my sight, anyway). And then, years later, surfing from my friends' blogs to other blogs to other blogs, I found out he had a blog, and now I'm an obsessive WWdN reader. And now I love* him anew, and even more. He's a cool celeb again, but remember ... I LOVED* HIM BEFORE YOU DID!

His writing makes me laugh and ponder, and I'm always nodding and thinking "right on!" or "aw, man, yeah" when I read him. BUT! He had this post the other day which broke my heart just a little bit. It seems inocuous enough, about certain modern slang words, but ... I, I ... well, I -- (hitching breath) -- disagree fundamentally with Wil (*sob*).

But all blind love must come to an end, and I look forward to the next few days, when I will be coming to terms with my shattering disappointment (borne - understand this, dear blog - of my own unrealistic expectations, and not of any implied or direct promises or misrepresentations of his; like the day so long ago when I realized that adults can't always be trusted). Then I will wipe my eyes, wash my face, eat breakfast or something, and embark on a deeper love* which will stem from sincere appreciation of truth.

Then, blog, I will be ready to explain to you why I fundamentally disagree with Wil. Right now, it's just too painful.


p.s. I would've been a way better woman for Wesley than that shapeshifting princess.

(*In the sense of "love" that comes when referring to a famous person who you could not possibly truly love because you do not even remotely really KNOW them; but, from what you can glean from their career or how they conduct themselves in interviews, or just how you like their smile or something, you think you really would like them a whole heck of a lot if you went out for beers, and you could imagine being friends with them in an altiverse where you were kinda famous and really cool, too.)

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