... and a gun to go with it

I was re-reading this post, and the comments, and I realized that I'd be ashamed and embarrassed if my bosses read it. Not because I'm chicken (I'm not), nor because I said things I didn't mean (I didn't). I intended to be humorously snarky, but I just sounded like an ass (to myself at least). Because I called them out when I really should have called myself out. I used them as examples of an issue I've personally been struggling with. What does it mean to be politically liberal? I know many of the definitions, that's not what I mean. But how do I manifest it in my daily life? Do I choose to spend my money at businesses that act in accordance with my beliefs? Do I leave my car at home whenever possible? Do I always recycle, even when it's a pain in the ass?

Well, I have given up some things that I enjoy(ed), but usually only when it's not inconvenient to me. Like I gave up McDonald's fast food. Primarily I gave it up because of environmental and worker-treatment related issues. But I still ate at Taco Bell. Why? Well I had some reasons based on false assumptions (which have since been proven false, big surprise), but mainly it was because I didn't really like McDonald's and I really like Taco Bell. It wasn't a hardship.

Okay - here's another one that pains me. I loved LOVED Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers in high school and collage. I got off of them after that, but now I'm on a kick again. I wanted some pairs. Well, in looking for where I could buy some, I came across the fact that they're now owned and produced by Nike (am I the only one that didn't know this)? I actually love Nike shit, but have flat out refused to support that company for ages. So, of course, upon learning this fact, what I did was ... I went out and bought the Chucks anyway. Yeah - 2 pairs. Why? Because I really wanted them. I love them. Kinda. I'm also kinda sad about them. Because I can't claim I didn't know any better. I did know better. So I made a choice to break a long-standing boycott that I was quietly proud of so that I could have some sneakers. So the price of my conviction was about $60. Yay me.

My bosses don't read my blog, but I offer up a public apology. It's always easier to judge others than self-examine. They were a superficial symbol for my growing dissatisfaction with my own actions. When I say I believe a thing, but continue to behave in a contrary manner, where does that leave me? Am I liberal only in conversation and when I vote? Or do I live consciously by making choices I'm not embarrassed by? It's not about SUVs or Chuck Taylor Converse or McDonald's. It's indicative of a larger slippery slope. It's about aligning my actions with my beliefs.

I no longer eat at any of the major fast food chains. I try hard to support local businesses instead of huge corporations. I'm not going to get rid of my Chucks, though - I really do love them.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Darling, your process of examining your convictions is admirable and I love you for it.
(egg) said…
Thanks, darling --- I'm afraid I fail most of the time. I actually just get sick of hearing myself complain about what everyone else is doing wrong. Blech.
Christopher said…
Well, the point is, at least you make the effort at self-examination, and when you come up short you feel guilty about it.

Whereas the other 99% of the population doesn't even give that much thought to it, if any at all.
thelyamhound said…
I'm with Christopher. I actually toy with these ideas all the time (see "I, Bourgeois" on thebayinghound.blogspot.com, a couple months back). At some point we have to be able to function, and if we don't want shopping our consciences to be our sole occupation--forget art, forget marriage--we're going to find ourselves selling out just a little, despite our best efforts. Oh, well. At least we engaged in some genuine examination along the way, right?
thelyamhound said…
I'm with Christopher. I actually toy with these ideas all the time (see "I, Bourgeois" on thebayinghound.blogspot.com, a couple months back). At some point we have to be able to function, and if we don't want shopping our consciences to be our sole occupation--forget art, forget marriage--we're going to find ourselves selling out just a little, despite our best efforts. Oh, well. At least we engaged in some genuine examination along the way, right?

P.S. - Sorry about the double post, but it logged me in with an identity that didn't link anywhere the first time. I'm sure a wiser hound than I could figure out why that is . . .
thelyamhound said…
If you're interested (because I think it at least starts with some of the same concerns), here's my old post on the matter:

I, Bourgeois
(egg) said…
Comte & Hound -- Yes, I'm with ya. I know it's going to happen - lord it happens all the time - and I'm pretty much at peace with it. But my lapses into occasional righteous hypocrisy are hard to swallow - once I recognize them for what they are, I mean. I can't very well claim a high-ground that I'm not actually willing to traverse, ya know? And folks who appear to truly live on that high ground never seem to need to go around proclaiming it. I'd like to get to that state of being.
Anonymous said…
At the risk of sounding Oracular: Don't worry, just do.

(Note: not advice I can follow myself, but I try. It's the "worry" part that isn't going so well for me.)
(egg) said…
"Oracular" sounds dirty.
Basil said…
I got a full Oracular from my dentist when I was in college.
And she was a HOT dentist.

I also tend to go with IanJ's short and sweet advice.
Your actions and art are your politics. Just keep working for and believing in good and it will all balance out in the front-loading washer.
JJisafool said…
Damnit, I SO didn't need another product to feel guilty about.

And I need new Chucks, too.

Poop.
(egg) said…
I know, JJ; right? Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing. I love Chucks.

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