12.28.2005

Ahhhh, the teenaged me ...

Holy crap. This guy just walked into my office, and he looked almost exactly like this guy I used to date in high school and college. It freaked me out. My heart lurched, my face flushed, my pulse started racing, my knees got shaky. I think I started to sweat. Fuck. What is that about? And this kid is the same age as and looked like M. back then. So while my logical brain is processing the fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE that M. has actually travelled through time to visit me, my body has this amazing visceral reaction. It took about a minute of slow breathing to get back control of my freaked-out physiology. And in that time, I could not stop staring at him. Poor kid; I'm like this creepy old (older) woman to him. Thank the good lord that I did not blurt out anything wildly stupid in my senile confusion. "Hey M.! Wanna go see Pink Floyd and fuck on the hood my car? Uh, ahem. I mean ... ummm. Look, they have corn chowder in the cafeteria today! See ya!"

It's not even like it's an unfinished chapter of my life, or that I still pine for him, or any of that romantic shit. It's sheer embarrassment for the know-it-all-know-nothing child I was back then. Dude, seriously - ouch. I cringe at the mere whiff of a thought of the ridiculous yearnings I had back then, and the bad choices they led to. I guess that's what being a teenager is, for the most part, right? But lord on a board, people. Thank god that's over, ya know?

2 comments:

tina said...

Egg! A blog! Oh, baby. I'm delighted. I didn't KNOW. But NOW I know. I'm going to be coming by here all the time. Write something for me ALL THE TIME.

PJ said...

Thank you, darlin' --- that'll give me the encouragement I need! xo P.